Englanninkieliset vitsit (Jokes)
Vitsikirjaston laajasta englanninkieliset vitsit (jokes) vitsivalikoimasta löydät parhaat ja hauskimmat englanninkieliset vitsit (jokes). Vitsikirjasto.fi vitsivalikoima kasvaa päivittäin, myös englanninkieliset vitsit (jokes) vitsivalikoimasta löydät lähes päivittäin uusia vitsejä, joiden aiheena on englanninkieliset vitsit (jokes).
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Huom! muista tykätä parhaista vitseistä! Tykkäämällä parhaista vitseistä autat meitä löytämään Suomen parhaat vitsit.
Huom! muista tykätä parhaista vitseistä! Tykkäämällä parhaista vitseistä autat meitä löytämään Suomen parhaat vitsit.
At the immigration desk, somewhere in Europe:
– Name?
– Abu Dalah Sarafi.
– Sex?
– Four times a week.
– No, no, no … male or female?
– Male, female … sometimes camel
– Name?
– Abu Dalah Sarafi.
– Sex?
– Four times a week.
– No, no, no … male or female?
– Male, female … sometimes camel
A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational.
On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk: ”I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”
”About 32.” is the reply.
”Nope! I’m exactly 50.”, the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies: ”I’d guess about 29.”
The woman replies with a big smile: ”Nope, I’m 50.”
Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.
The clerk responds: ”Oh, I’d say 30.”
Again she proudly responds: ”I’m 50, but thank you!”
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, ”Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was.
It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.”
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out: ”What the hell, go ahead.”
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says: ”Okay, okay…..How old am I?”
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says: ”Madam, you are 50.”
Stunned and amazed, the woman says: ”That was incredible, how could you tell?”
”I was behind you at McDonald’s.”, he says.
On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk: ”I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”
”About 32.” is the reply.
”Nope! I’m exactly 50.”, the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies: ”I’d guess about 29.”
The woman replies with a big smile: ”Nope, I’m 50.”
Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.
The clerk responds: ”Oh, I’d say 30.”
Again she proudly responds: ”I’m 50, but thank you!”
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, ”Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was.
It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.”
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out: ”What the hell, go ahead.”
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says: ”Okay, okay…..How old am I?”
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says: ”Madam, you are 50.”
Stunned and amazed, the woman says: ”That was incredible, how could you tell?”
”I was behind you at McDonald’s.”, he says.
What do you call a human without body and nose?
– Nobody knows
– Nobody knows
Why don’t Amish people water ski?
– Because their horses would drown
– Because their horses would drown
What do you call a dog with no legs?
– Doesn’t matter what you call him, he’s not coming
– Doesn’t matter what you call him, he’s not coming
9 out of 10 Americans are stupid… I’m glad I’m in the 1%
How do you cancel an appointment at a sperm bank?
– Tell them you can’t come
– Tell them you can’t come
What’s the hardest thing about fucking a dude with a dildo?
– Making sure he doesn’t wake up
– Making sure he doesn’t wake up
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie?
– Stephen can’t walkie and Stephen can’t talkie
– Stephen can’t walkie and Stephen can’t talkie
Why was Mario coughing a lot?
– Something went down the wrong tube.
– Something went down the wrong tube.
Why did the two ghosts attack Mario?
– To give him a boo-boo.
– To give him a boo-boo.
What do you call the mother who gave birth to Super Mario?
– Mario Maker
– Mario Maker
Does Mario’s Kart need to eat?
– No, Mario Kart 8.
– No, Mario Kart 8.
What’s Mario’s favorite musical?
– Mamma Mia
– Mamma Mia
When is Mario’s birthday?
– MAR10
– MAR10